The world in my hands

This was the most gruesome, beautiful thing I have ever seen. Yesterday (2/3/07) our baby was brought forth in a most nightmarish way. But when she came out, it was by far the most amazing, beautiful thing that I have ever seen. (for those that want the story, feel free to ask) I was soooo torn. On my right was the woman that I love more than my own life. She was shivering and her lips were blue and I was so worried for her. On my left was a girl that somehow, when I saw her, I loved her and felt that I needed to protect her as well. It was very emotional. I felt like a little puppy torn between food and its favorite toy. I watched through very blurred vision (yes I cried) that little purple blob change colors. SHE WAS NOT HAPPY either. Hands and feet splayed, toes and fingers (all twenty) just spread and a warhoop being issued forth that would have rivaled a jet engine for decibels. Then I switched modes and went to my wife, shaking, wide eyed at times, closed at others. I kept touching her to see if she was alright. I got to see something that I am not sure that my wife can say about me. I got to see her organs. (told you it was gruesome) I watched as they sewed my wife back together, all the while listening to a now quieter child over my left shoulder. I then stood up and went back and forth. Wife, child, wife, child, wife, child. Then the nurses helped me out. They wrapped Emily up and handed her to me. I then sat next to Steph. She then looked at us and then I could see her relax a bit. I then watched them sew the rest of her up. I watched a med student sew on her. He did a good job too. Then one of the nurses took me and Emily with her to a recovery room. I saw that Steph was almost one piece again so I felt that I could leave her for a while. We then went to the room and I watched the "Transition" nurse take over and do a very expert job in doing vital signs. I then saw the strength of our new baby. She had her first temp taken. In a move that would have crippled me the nurse took the baby temp (anally). SHE DID NOT CRY!!. She just looked at me with those wide eyes and said "EH!!!" About that time I felt the curtain behind me move and there was my wife. All in one piece, still shaking a bit but not as bad as before. The nurse then asked me if I wanted to give Emily her first bath. I did, shakingly at first, but with every move gaining confidence. It was then time to introduce her to the family that was waiting for her. (Thankfully, Meaghan showed up, because I had no idea where the family was) She then went and got Nana Jo and Grandma Nancy. I watched and saw them oooh and aww over her. They then left and went home, because it was very late (we were closing in on 12:00am). The rest of the night I held that child, and sat with her mom. We are a family. (we were before, but somehow more complete now) I stared at that child and I could see time warping around her. The minutes passed more slowly for me. Every movement I savored, every scent, every sound. I just stared at this beautiful, precious bundle. I have a good idea now what the Bible meant when in the Christmas story a wonderful scripture was written. "and Mary saw these things and considered them in her heart." I am not a woman, so I cannot completely understand, but I do know that those first moments will stay with me for the rest of my life. Even now as I sit here watching the Superbowl, (Go bears please) I hear the sounds that she makes and all I can do is sit in wonderment. Looking to the heavens and Thanking GOD most high for giving me, giving us this gift. Wondering why he found me worthy of this gift. Knowing that until I get to heaven I am not going to know. This is the mystery that I am considering in my heart. Knowing that GOD is in control here. This is a gift of GOD and I promise that I will do my best. For as long as I am allowed to hold her, and to guide her, I promise I will do my best. Thank you GOD for this gift, and I pray that you will watch over her and guide her in your ways. I also pray that you will guide me in this. I don't quite know how to be a dad. I didn't have one, but I pray that you will fill that void in me and allow me to be your beacon for her and my family. In Jesus most holy name, AMEN!!!
I hope that this makes sense to those that read this. It is grammatically incorrect, but it was my stream of consciousness as these events unfolded before me.

God bless you Emily and welcome to the Earth. I promise that I will help you as much as I can.