Very first diaper change - go Daddy!
Mom & Emmie, 2nd day in the hospital
Emily & her Daddy
With Aunt Meaghan...still in the hospital
With Nana Jo & Grampa
Sleeping Beauty
Emily & Grammy
3 redheads - Aunt Kathi, cousin Haylei, and Emily
Sharing a new binky with Daddy
This was the most gruesome, beautiful thing I have ever seen. Yesterday (2/3/07) our baby was brought forth in a most nightmarish way. But when she came out, it was by far the most amazing, beautiful thing that I have ever seen. (for those that want the story, feel free to ask) I was soooo torn. On my right was the woman that I love more than my own life. She was shivering and her lips were blue and I was so worried for her. On my left was a girl that somehow, when I saw her, I loved her and felt that I needed to protect her as well. It was very emotional. I felt like a little puppy torn between food and its favorite toy. I watched through very blurred vision (yes I cried) that little purple blob change colors. SHE WAS NOT HAPPY either. Hands and feet splayed, toes and fingers (all twenty) just spread and a warhoop being issued forth that would have rivaled a jet engine for decibels. Then I switched modes and went to my wife, shaking, wide eyed at times, closed at others. I kept touching her to see if she was alright. I got to see something that I am not sure that my wife can say about me. I got to see her organs. (told you it was gruesome) I watched as they sewed my wife back together, all the while listening to a now quieter child over my left shoulder. I then stood up and went back and forth. Wife, child, wife, child, wife, child. Then the nurses helped me out. They wrapped Emily up and handed her to me. I then sat next to Steph. She then looked at us and then I could see her relax a bit. I then watched them sew the rest of her up. I watched a med student sew on her. He did a good job too. Then one of the nurses took me and Emily with her to a recovery room. I saw that Steph was almost one piece again so I felt that I could leave her for a while. We then went to the room and I watched the "Transition" nurse take over and do a very expert job in doing vital signs. I then saw the strength of our new baby. She had her first temp taken. In a move that would have crippled me the nurse took the baby temp (anally). SHE DID NOT CRY!!. She just looked at me with those wide eyes and said "EH!!!" About that time I felt the curtain behind me move and there was my wife. All in one piece, still shaking a bit but not as bad as before. The nurse then asked me if I wanted to give Emily her first bath. I did, shakingly at first, but with every move gaining confidence. It was then time to introduce her to the family that was waiting for her. (Thankfully, Meaghan showed up, because I had no idea where the family was) She then went and got Nana Jo and Grandma Nancy. I watched and saw them oooh and aww over her. They then left and went home, because it was very late (we were closing in on 12:00am). The rest of the night I held that child, and sat with her mom. We are a family. (we were before, but somehow more complete now) I stared at that child and I could see time warping around her. The minutes passed more slowly for me. Every movement I savored, every scent, every sound. I just stared at this beautiful, precious bundle. I have a good idea now what the Bible meant when in the Christmas story a wonderful scripture was written. "and Mary saw these things and considered them in her heart." I am not a woman, so I cannot completely understand, but I do know that those first moments will stay with me for the rest of my life. Even now as I sit here watching the Superbowl, (Go bears please) I hear the sounds that she makes and all I can do is sit in wonderment. Looking to the heavens and Thanking GOD most high for giving me, giving us this gift. Wondering why he found me worthy of this gift. Knowing that until I get to heaven I am not going to know. This is the mystery that I am considering in my heart. Knowing that GOD is in control here. This is a gift of GOD and I promise that I will do my best. For as long as I am allowed to hold her, and to guide her, I promise I will do my best. Thank you GOD for this gift, and I pray that you will watch over her and guide her in your ways. I also pray that you will guide me in this. I don't quite know how to be a dad. I didn't have one, but I pray that you will fill that void in me and allow me to be your beacon for her and my family. In Jesus most holy name, AMEN!!!
I hope that this makes sense to those that read this. It is grammatically incorrect, but it was my stream of consciousness as these events unfolded before me.
God bless you Emily and welcome to the Earth. I promise that I will help you as much as I can.
Her full name is Emily Laverne Brown, and she arrived on 3 February, 2007, at 9:45 pm.
7 lbs/8 oz., 19 3/4 inches long; she has red hair and blue eyes, her dad's nose and her mom's mouth.
Apgar score of 8/9 - she was an overachiever before she was an hour old.
She's a pretty cool little kid so far. Ken said when she was born, she came out with arms and legs stretched out for all the world to see her, a grand introductory "Ta-daaa!" She's easy-going, hasn't cried a lot, even when she got shots.
We slept most of the day today, since mom & baby were both pretty worn-out after the various ordeals of yesterday. Emily didn't eat a whole lot - I think she's like me in that when I'm very tired I'm usually not hungry - but I went from a liquid breakfast to chicken-fried steak and apple cobbler. (And I've discovered, to my relief, that my sweet tooth has receded back to its normal place in my head, instead of dominating my every waking moment!)
Anyway...we're still in hospital at the moment. Her Nana Jo and Aunt Meaghan were here until this morning. Grammy is still here, of course. We sent Emmie to the nursery so she could get her dinner while we all ate our own food...but I think I'm going to go get her now so that I can watch the Superbowl with my new family, as I've looked forward to doing. We gotta teach her early to be a Bears fan - and boy, this game is turning out to be a good one for teaching that particular lesson! (I found, a few weeks ago, a little baby romper that said "Rex Grossman is my boyfriend"...but alas, her dad wouldn't let me get it for her.)
We're getting at least three calls a day now from people who want to know if we've had the baby yet.
"Not yet...we'll let you know."
She's only three days late - not a big deal, I keep trying to tell myself. Babies are born later than that all the time. Ken was three weeks late. I don't know how his mom managed it. I'm usually pretty good at being patient and philosophical about the whole thing; I've been pregnant for nine months - another day (or two, or three...) won't kill me. But even though today, or any day, could be "the day", there's still no indication that it will be. I'm tired, and it's getting hard to keep being patient.
As the days go by, I'm more and more exhausted - I don't know if it's just from the anxiety and frustration, or what. This is the first Sunday for three weeks that we're not snowed in, and I was really eager to get out and finally go to church again...until I woke up all stiff & sore in a dozen different places, and realized that I don't even have anything to wear to church - none of my "fat clothes" even fit me now. I've been living for the last three days in my ugly grey sweatpants. I was thinking last night of doing fried chicken and biscuits and gravy for dinner - good ol' Southern fare - but there's a sink full of dishes that need to be washed - they were there yesterday, and didn't get washed then either - and I just don't think I can deal with spending a whole afternoon in the kitchen, again.
(Believe it or not, Mom, I've actually been pretty good about keeping up with the dishes, and keeping the house reasonably clean. The clutter is still there, but I'm trying hard to control it, even fight it back. But not today...)
I read, in one of my books or magazines, that the ninth month of pregnancy is the hardest - until you get into the tenth. I can't even think about a "tenth month" - it's just a series of day-after-days, and each one is dominated by a gigantic Question Mark.
Those who know me know how little I'm about planning my life, or my days...still, it's hard to be constantly up in the air like this. I don't know if I'll go to bed tonight in my own bed or not, or if I'll get to sleep through the night. I'm hesitant to put the chicken for dinner out to thaw, because if we have to go to the hospital, it'll be ruined.
This must be how my sister felt while she was waiting for Jackson to arrive - he was also a couple weeks late.
I need a nap. I haven't even been up for two hours, and I'm already ready to go lie down again!
I forgot to mention a few weeks ago that Emily's due date has changed; it's not 1 Feb anymore (apparently I was misinformed) but 25 January. That's two weeks from today.
I love that when you start telling people when your baby is due, everyone who has a birthday anywhere close to that date starts campaigning for his or her own birthday. Nancy (Ken's mom, also known as Grammy) is convinced that she's going to be early, and has already issued her prediction that Emily will be here on the 20th. I hope not...
I wish I had a choice in the matter - and her dad, who likes to plan everything, wishes it even more! My mom wants as much advance notice as possible, so she'll have time to get here. But unless Emily's really late and the doctor gets ready to induce, I don't think it's going to be up to any of us.
I'm doing my best to prepare for the possibility that she could be early, but I hope she won't be. I really like the idea of a February baby, but... as I've told Mom, the discomfort of being eight and a half months pregnant is beginning to outweigh my anxiety about the delivery - so just for myself, I'm about ready for this to be over with!!
People keep asking me if we have everything, if we're ready for the baby, what do we still need, etc.
Since most of the people who ask this already have kids, my standard answer is usually "I don't know - you tell me!" But for anyone who wants to help out, for my own memory's sake - and in the event that the baby shower that keeps getting talked about, ever becomes a reality - here's a list of what (I think) we still need.
There's probably a lot that I'm still forgetting, or will find out that I need when the time comes. Any parents who may be reading this, feel free to offer your own suggestions! And thank you to everyone who's already given us things for the baby; we could NOT do this without the help of our family & friends!
So I have this Amazon.com Wish List all set up for Emily, because books are great and we want her to have lots and lots of them by the time she's old enough to start reading (and lots to read to her until then.)
We've already gotten a few of the books on the list...and even though Emmie isn't even here yet, that's okay because in the meantime I get to borrow them! The Peter Pan In Scarlet was pretty good - and now I'm starting on Dave Barry's Peter Pan stories, and so far they're even better!
Yes, they're kids' books, but so what? Definitely recommended reading for any kid-at-heart. Like me!
